What is up with all these text messages these days? I get them all the time, and to put it bluntly, I hate them. That's right, I hate them. I personally very rarely use the text messaging capability of my phone; I just find it takes more effort than it's worth. If someone is important enough, or there is a pressing issue, I just call them. I mean, I can see if your in a noisy club where talking is just not a viable possibility, and you absolutely need to communicate with someone, you text, but beyond that, why? There all sorts of text messages, i'll enumerate and detail them later.
I have no idea how texting grossly evolved from communicating in places were you can't talk to anti-social social behavior most people engage in these days to become intimate strangers.
I think it's best delineated the best around the holidays. I got a fair number of merry x-mas / happy new years text messages this year from people I haven't heard from in ages! I mean, what are you suppose to do? call them back? Ha, good luck with that, I tried that, and people were strangely taken off guard. Here is a sample "hypothetical" conversation:
Me: "Hey thanks for the text message -- how have you been?"
Loser: "oh ... hey...(long pause) .. sameer.. .. i've been good..... umm what's up?"
The conversation quickly dies seeing how they didn't actually want to talk to me in the first place. So I guess the question is the social protocol with text message?
To make things worst this year, I got text messages from phone numbers that I didn't even recognize. The area codes looked familiar, but beyond that, I had no idea. Did that happen to anyone else? Maybe it's because I normally go through my phone once a month and delete all the people I know I will never call again. So I guess the decision to cut the ties wasn't mutual. LOL
Anyways, let's take a look at some text messages i have gotten and there translation--
Text: "happy new year" (note it was sent at 12:01)
Translation - I don't really want to talk to you, but i am mass texting everyone, and I have no life and am a loser since I sent this out at 12:01
Text: "happy new year, best wishes for 2007 blah blah blah........"
Translations - I am at home with my parents and I can afford to type out a super long text message --
Text: "happy freaking new year, you bastard."
Translations - I hate you since you make more money than me
Text: "partying in the city tonight??"
Translations - I want to hook up with girls, do you know any?
Text: "you missed out... "
Translations - I hooked up with a girl, but since you weren't there, i am just going to say she was hot
Text: "we should hang out soon"
Translations - I want to hook up with you or one of your friends
Text: Just a bar name/cross street and time
Translations - I am going there, and I hear there will be chicks
Text: "any one up for (activity) on (day)"
Translations - I want to meet and hookup your female friends, bring them..
Text: "Where you going 2night"
Translations - I hear your rolling with girls, please tell me where you are going so i might have a shot at hooking up
Text: "Where r u"
Translations -- Normally these are sent out super late at night, and can mean only one thing-- thats right, I want to hook up with you / your friend
Text: "come this party is crazy"
Translation - Tons of girls, i need your help picking some up
Text: "drizzunk"
Translation - I want to hook up with anyone
--
Anyways, I can go on forever with that, but you get the picture..
Monday, January 01, 2007
Sunday, January 29, 2006
February is an absolute waste of a month.
February is an absolute waste of a month. If months could have sex, February would be the one luring Cuban hookers to seedy hotel rooms.
It's a known fact that the average person is an idiot. More than 50% of the world's English-speaking population still can't spell "February" and upwards of 90% can't pronounce it. February is the Moron's Month: no other month has been so widely misspelled, mispronounced, and misunderstood. The number of days in February is a commonly known fact. Whether they know it as "February" or "Feb-u-ary," most people are aware that there are 28 days in February. Okay, no problems there. However, even with the addition of an extra day every fourth year, February is still the shortest month in the year - a trifling sum of 29 days. Compared with the incredible bulk of such hefty, powerful months as October and such influencial, charismatic months as December, February is the little nerdy wimpy month that fights back every four years and is subsequently subdued.
Even the name February sounds girly. If I were a month, I would want to be August. August! The name commands such power, and the word "August" even means powerful! I defy any of you to come up with a definition of "February." And if there is one, I'm sure it's a kind of flower or wall treatment or something.
The phenomenon of a leap year requires a little explanation. A short lesson in astronomy: It turns out that a year is not 365 days, but rather 365 and a quarter days. This discrepancy between the earth's revolutions and the number of revolutions causes the Earth to become confused - a dangerous situation which can lead to gravitational slowdown and solar collision. Therefore, in order to fix the gap in the Earth's orbit caused by our ignorance and self-importance, we add another day to the year every four years. To complicate matters, it turns out that a year is not exactly 365.25 days, but rather 365.26 days. So, every hundred years, we skip a leap year. I don't know about you, but I don't want to have to have an advanged degree in mathematics just to know what to write on my post-dated checks! I'm an American, God damn it, I shouldn't have to think about those things! And it's all February's fault!
Aside from the everlasting controversies surrounding its name and its nature, the month of February is home to some of the most worthless holidays known to man:
1. Groundhogs Day. If the groundhog doesn't see his shadow, warmth will come early that year. The world will be a paradise, our people will return to Eden, and drink naught but mead and eat only chocolate-covered gold nuggets. If the groundhog does see his shadow, the prophecy tells us, there will be more winter ahead. Snow will fall from the sky, crops will be thin. Great famine will sweep the world, diseases the likes of which cannot be imagined will infect the stoutest of folk. Seismic activity will quadruple. Rends in the earth will open up and send fire toward the heavens raining down molten death upon masses of crying women and screaming children. The dark lord Satan will rule the earth that year, and humans will be tortured pawns to his evil empire erecting thousand-foot-tall statues to be visible by the demon fortress on the lunar surface. If this were the case, I could see how people would be concerned about our furry groundhog friend. But it isn't. And some people are actually excited by the legend of a magical weather-predicting subterranean rat. To be honest, this fact doesn't surprise me. A piece of news like this takes up the awkward four minutes between cell phone calls and hair appointments. These greasy-voiced wide-smiling San Diegans need something to talk about that isn't at all important. Which brings me to another point - small talk sickens me. But that's a topic for another Monthly.
2. Presidents' Day. Observing Washington's and Lincolns Birthdays: Is it one holiday? Is it two? Is it three? Or None? Or are we taking turns now? Following suit to the leap year phenomenon, the number of holidays in February seems to fluctuate every year. Last year, I swear we only got one day off: Presidents' day. This year, we are treated to a four-day weekend. Why? Is Lincoln more important this year than he was last year? Or was Washington secretly born on a leap year and had his official birthday written down for a week prior? So, then, do we celebrate his birthday three years in a row, then take a holiday from the extra holiday on the fourth year on which he was actually born? Wasn't Presidents' day invented to cut down the number of Bank Holidays in an already shortchanged month? Do we get Presidents' Day, Lincoln's Birthday, AND Washington's birthday? And what about next year? But wait! There's more: Lincoln and Washington's birthdays are on opposite ends of the month! That's right: The convenient four-day weekend I mentioned is in observance of only one holiday! Two days off for one holiday: a holiday meant to reduce the number of Bank Holidays from two ... TO TWO!
3. Valentine's Day. The Granddaddy of worthless holidays. It is a wonder that Valentine's day is not a hotbed of violent crimes. Not more so than any other day, at least. I have a feeling that if some of us acted on our desires, the phrase "Don't go out on Valentine's Day" would become a widespread piece of advice. With billions of blinded, lovesick cattle shouting their sugary adoration and devotion from the treetops, those dominated mostly by reason and logical thought are often consumed with a diabetic rage. If those belonging to lower socioeconomic classes and oppressed minorities can revolt for their cause and be understood, if not accepted, would it not be double-standard to expect differently of the lonely? Of course not. Thankfully we have no "Racial Supremacy Day," but we do have the next best thing: Valentines' Day (If there were a Racial Supremacy Day, I'm sure it would be in February. February smacks of a racist month, despite its cover as Black History Month. A clever, but paper-thin ruse set up to make Most-Hated February seem more human-friendly. Black History Month should be a nice, accepting month like March or May.). An annual Valentines' Day riot doesn't really seem all that far-fetched. I did a little research on St. Valentine. A Roman priest in the third century, Valentine defied Emperor Claudius' decree that young men would no longer be able to marry, because unmarried men made better soldiers. Eventually, Emporer Claudius sentenced him to be beaten with clubs and subsequently beheaded. Good for him! That's just what I'd do now if he were alive.
Personally, I suggest that we annihilate the month of February alltogether, allocate the days to the remaining eleven months, and forget the antiquated, Communist idea of leap year! If our God-Given Christian calendar is good enough for us, then damn it, it should be good enough for the Earth! If the Earth falls into the sun, it'll be a good lesson for it! February. The insecure, confused, and all-around most worthless hick month of the year.
-- Source: Good Old Dr. Ozzie!
It's a known fact that the average person is an idiot. More than 50% of the world's English-speaking population still can't spell "February" and upwards of 90% can't pronounce it. February is the Moron's Month: no other month has been so widely misspelled, mispronounced, and misunderstood. The number of days in February is a commonly known fact. Whether they know it as "February" or "Feb-u-ary," most people are aware that there are 28 days in February. Okay, no problems there. However, even with the addition of an extra day every fourth year, February is still the shortest month in the year - a trifling sum of 29 days. Compared with the incredible bulk of such hefty, powerful months as October and such influencial, charismatic months as December, February is the little nerdy wimpy month that fights back every four years and is subsequently subdued.
Even the name February sounds girly. If I were a month, I would want to be August. August! The name commands such power, and the word "August" even means powerful! I defy any of you to come up with a definition of "February." And if there is one, I'm sure it's a kind of flower or wall treatment or something.
The phenomenon of a leap year requires a little explanation. A short lesson in astronomy: It turns out that a year is not 365 days, but rather 365 and a quarter days. This discrepancy between the earth's revolutions and the number of revolutions causes the Earth to become confused - a dangerous situation which can lead to gravitational slowdown and solar collision. Therefore, in order to fix the gap in the Earth's orbit caused by our ignorance and self-importance, we add another day to the year every four years. To complicate matters, it turns out that a year is not exactly 365.25 days, but rather 365.26 days. So, every hundred years, we skip a leap year. I don't know about you, but I don't want to have to have an advanged degree in mathematics just to know what to write on my post-dated checks! I'm an American, God damn it, I shouldn't have to think about those things! And it's all February's fault!
Aside from the everlasting controversies surrounding its name and its nature, the month of February is home to some of the most worthless holidays known to man:
1. Groundhogs Day. If the groundhog doesn't see his shadow, warmth will come early that year. The world will be a paradise, our people will return to Eden, and drink naught but mead and eat only chocolate-covered gold nuggets. If the groundhog does see his shadow, the prophecy tells us, there will be more winter ahead. Snow will fall from the sky, crops will be thin. Great famine will sweep the world, diseases the likes of which cannot be imagined will infect the stoutest of folk. Seismic activity will quadruple. Rends in the earth will open up and send fire toward the heavens raining down molten death upon masses of crying women and screaming children. The dark lord Satan will rule the earth that year, and humans will be tortured pawns to his evil empire erecting thousand-foot-tall statues to be visible by the demon fortress on the lunar surface. If this were the case, I could see how people would be concerned about our furry groundhog friend. But it isn't. And some people are actually excited by the legend of a magical weather-predicting subterranean rat. To be honest, this fact doesn't surprise me. A piece of news like this takes up the awkward four minutes between cell phone calls and hair appointments. These greasy-voiced wide-smiling San Diegans need something to talk about that isn't at all important. Which brings me to another point - small talk sickens me. But that's a topic for another Monthly.
2. Presidents' Day. Observing Washington's and Lincolns Birthdays: Is it one holiday? Is it two? Is it three? Or None? Or are we taking turns now? Following suit to the leap year phenomenon, the number of holidays in February seems to fluctuate every year. Last year, I swear we only got one day off: Presidents' day. This year, we are treated to a four-day weekend. Why? Is Lincoln more important this year than he was last year? Or was Washington secretly born on a leap year and had his official birthday written down for a week prior? So, then, do we celebrate his birthday three years in a row, then take a holiday from the extra holiday on the fourth year on which he was actually born? Wasn't Presidents' day invented to cut down the number of Bank Holidays in an already shortchanged month? Do we get Presidents' Day, Lincoln's Birthday, AND Washington's birthday? And what about next year? But wait! There's more: Lincoln and Washington's birthdays are on opposite ends of the month! That's right: The convenient four-day weekend I mentioned is in observance of only one holiday! Two days off for one holiday: a holiday meant to reduce the number of Bank Holidays from two ... TO TWO!
3. Valentine's Day. The Granddaddy of worthless holidays. It is a wonder that Valentine's day is not a hotbed of violent crimes. Not more so than any other day, at least. I have a feeling that if some of us acted on our desires, the phrase "Don't go out on Valentine's Day" would become a widespread piece of advice. With billions of blinded, lovesick cattle shouting their sugary adoration and devotion from the treetops, those dominated mostly by reason and logical thought are often consumed with a diabetic rage. If those belonging to lower socioeconomic classes and oppressed minorities can revolt for their cause and be understood, if not accepted, would it not be double-standard to expect differently of the lonely? Of course not. Thankfully we have no "Racial Supremacy Day," but we do have the next best thing: Valentines' Day (If there were a Racial Supremacy Day, I'm sure it would be in February. February smacks of a racist month, despite its cover as Black History Month. A clever, but paper-thin ruse set up to make Most-Hated February seem more human-friendly. Black History Month should be a nice, accepting month like March or May.). An annual Valentines' Day riot doesn't really seem all that far-fetched. I did a little research on St. Valentine. A Roman priest in the third century, Valentine defied Emperor Claudius' decree that young men would no longer be able to marry, because unmarried men made better soldiers. Eventually, Emporer Claudius sentenced him to be beaten with clubs and subsequently beheaded. Good for him! That's just what I'd do now if he were alive.
Personally, I suggest that we annihilate the month of February alltogether, allocate the days to the remaining eleven months, and forget the antiquated, Communist idea of leap year! If our God-Given Christian calendar is good enough for us, then damn it, it should be good enough for the Earth! If the Earth falls into the sun, it'll be a good lesson for it! February. The insecure, confused, and all-around most worthless hick month of the year.
-- Source: Good Old Dr. Ozzie!
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Monday, September 05, 2005
Risks
If your not taking risks in life, your just alive and not living. Whats the biggest risk you have taken today?
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Salted Soft Pretzels
If your anything like me, when you get one of those big Soft Pretzels, you get it salted vs unsalted. I am not sure why I get the salted, because I really think they are too salty and always scub off the salt off! So why bother in the first place? Right? Why not just get the unsalted to begin with?
Well, I kind of like rubbing the salt off the pretzel leaving only a satisfactory amount. This little idiosyncrasy got me thinking, does anyone ever eat a Salted Soft Pretzel with *all* the salt on it? Well from my extensive research and hours of surveying (actually I just asked the person next to me) I found that everyone gets the salted pretzel, and everyone invariable always scrubs the salt off. So what is really going on here? Why go through the extra motions?
Then dawned on me. It wasn’t the fact that I was scrubbing the salt off to make it a pleasurable chore, but rather the feeling that I was preparing my food! Living in New York City one does not often getting around to cooking and I, like so many other people have now come to the sad stage of my life where unsalting pretzels equates to cooking a meal.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Efficiency...
How has the increased need for efficiency in the fast paced world changed the modern world? If people look around today they will see two different worlds working together, that of supply and that of demand, both being dictated to by the need for increased efficiency. Today’s demand wants a cheaper product with value and today’s suppliers wants a large market that can easily be manipulated to suit their selling needs. Both sides, suppliers and demanders, want increased efficient either in consumption, what the producers want, or the creation of a cheap product with value, what the consumer wants. The idea of increasing efficiency is not nescient by any means. There are many quesitons on the topic, but the one that may be the more important is: are the outcomes of a more efficient world for all intents and purposes a better world?
In the modern world, people consume, it is a fact of existence. How people consume and what people consume is of great interest to anyone who produces any type of good. With the growing market, the need to secure a niche and have control over consumption is increasing because for those who do not secure a niche will soon be out of business. I recently read Vinyl Leaves; Walt Disney world and America by Stephen Fjellman, and he contends that this need to control has manifested itself in the manipulation of perception through mass media in the form of advertising. Fjellman gives the idea that consumer being actively created by replacing wants with needs. Fjellman contends that people have this constant powerlessness and guilt and to alleviate this guilt people identify with products that have been so easily laid out for them via mass media. In addition he states that there exists a corporate paternalism: telling people what to do and how to be which goes to further his point of the consumer being actively created. Fjellman states that the creation of the consumer comes with its own implications and responsibilities. One of these implications implied in his argument is the new consumer is being programmed to consumes with efficiency and subject to the whims of the suppliers.
In the modern world, people consume, it is a fact of existence. How people consume and what people consume is of great interest to anyone who produces any type of good. With the growing market, the need to secure a niche and have control over consumption is increasing because for those who do not secure a niche will soon be out of business. I recently read Vinyl Leaves; Walt Disney world and America by Stephen Fjellman, and he contends that this need to control has manifested itself in the manipulation of perception through mass media in the form of advertising. Fjellman gives the idea that consumer being actively created by replacing wants with needs. Fjellman contends that people have this constant powerlessness and guilt and to alleviate this guilt people identify with products that have been so easily laid out for them via mass media. In addition he states that there exists a corporate paternalism: telling people what to do and how to be which goes to further his point of the consumer being actively created. Fjellman states that the creation of the consumer comes with its own implications and responsibilities. One of these implications implied in his argument is the new consumer is being programmed to consumes with efficiency and subject to the whims of the suppliers.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)